So everyone is sold! The Ravens have been a solid machine this season. Their defense is as strong as Ron Jeremy’s libido, and they finally have a quarterback better than Trent Dilfer, Elvis Grbak, Kyle Boller, and Anthony Wright, combined yada yada yada. But the Ravens have had a cookie schedule too. They beat a pathetic, and I mean crappier than crappy Kansas City Chiefs (why did I draft Larry Johnson as my #2 RB?). Then they snuck by the Chargers by 5 points. Finally they crushed the NFL’s most pathetic franchise currently, the Cleveland (Show) Manginas. Oh, but there is just one more thing.
Their receivers suck and the Pats will limit their offense!
Derrick Mason (freshly back from retirement), Mark Clayton (freshly back from sucking), Kelley Washington (who wasn’t even good enough to take the offensive field for the Pats and has a girl’s name), and Demetrius Williams (sounds more like Borophyl). Oh and a decent tight end named Todd Heap, who really is a heap of crap.
The Pats new, younger, and well-coached defense is coming into its own. I mean it. They are fast, furious, too fast, and too furious hell Patrick Chung is looking like a Tokyo Drift. They will eliminate the passing game and make Baltimore run it. Ya I know they’ve got two solid backs in McGahee and Ray Rice, but it’s not going to be enough. Especially since the Pats will take an early lead and the Ravens will be forced to throw. Brady is due for his first big game. This really isn’t going to be as big of a challenge as everyone thinks.
It’s kind of like when a batter goes from seeing Beckett to Wakefield…it takes an adjustment. In this case, the Ravens won’t catch their bearings until the 3rd quarter. They’ll make a comeback attempt but it will fall short. Going from the Browns to the Patriots is like going from Roseanne to Gisele. Something to get up for, but you’re not used to such greatness, and you won’t know what to do with it. By the time you finally figure it out, you’ve busted!!!
Pats 27 Ravens 19. That’s the final score.
Editor’s note: Rudy Huxtible (spelled incorrectly due to fantastic fact checking) is a major homer and has never once predicted a Pats loss.